In desperate need of some support

Even the least creepy of the emails this woman received said "I want your used bra".

Mil-DO you want this free item?

It might be a bad idea to give out your address to people in need of shower doors.

Somebody "save" me!

This would make a great Father's Day gift!

(editor's note: this would indeed make a great Father's Day gift)

I can hardly contain myself

Wow! It's like a free day of fun at the beach!

Not included:

--Things that aren't completely depressing

If only there were a way to describe HOW cheap this product is

It sounded like a sweet deal until I found out there was a limit to how much dirt these guys would drive over to my house and dump on my front lawn

I can't afford fluid. I'm not even liquid!

Sorry, man. I'm gonna need to see more angles if you're going to convince me to take that free Zippo off your hands

Toucan Scam!

Send me $350 and I'll send you a couple toucans on an airplane?

Hard to believe this was a scam.